Whilst trying to fall pregnant and then eventually becoming a mother, I have become a lot more sensitive to the conversations I have with other women.
In all truth, I was one of those women who would politely and honestly ask some of these questions, not knowing or understanding the hurt and damage that it could cause in its wake. Until I was one of those women who was on the receiving end of those heart-wrenching questions.
When my husband and I decided that we were ready to have kids, we thought it to be a breeze as everyone around us was falling pregnant.
Hearing snide comments that my not having a baby was because I was hell-bent on my career, “chasing the dollar and fame can always happen after the baby but time is ticking, so get a move on that!”.
Yes, I was invested in building my career- SO WHAT, and at the same time, I was passionately wanting a baby. Why can’t we want and have both? Why must it be either-or?
“Are you even trying?” What type of backward question is that-“And yes Aunty, we are “even trying” and fantastically thank you! Would you like me to share my Google calendar with you?”
I dreaded family gatherings, avoided friends my age with young children or pregnant, as I knew they would ask the Voldemort of questions, and after the question, I would have to awkwardly smile and shrug it off and use my go-to answer “all in God’s plan”.
My inner me would be Godzillering the heck out of the room as well as everyone who asked me that question. That was on the good days, on the off days I wanted the earth to swallow me up, fake the smile and try to act nonchalant about the matter. It would then be my husband having to pick up the pieces of what unsolicited, ignorant questions would break.
The truth is we had been trying and this went on for 3 solid years, tests, nutritional changes, lifestyle changes, ovulation tracking apps, medication. I tried to remain positive, calm and collected yet every time the question was brought up, a flood of insecurities stampeded its way into my existence. Dealing with these insecurities, I would bury myself even more in my work, and this would fuel the same peanut gallery with more “when are you having a baby” ammunition.
I started thinking that maybe God was punishing me for something I did in my past. Could it be because I was playing with a cigarette lighter when I was 8 years old and burnt my then 3-year-old sister’s hair off? Could it be that I tricked her into eating dog chocolate, I knew I must be paying for something. Was this some form of karma making itself back to me?
Once I was pregnant, I thought these rather stupid questions would cease. After being pregnant and having the baby maybe we could just start conversations talking about the weather or better yet, golf, it is a lot more exciting talking about golf (insert sarcasm here).
NO- phase 2 of the questions started.
I kid you not, the stitches from my natural birth had not yet dissolved and people were asking me about number 2 (insert Godzilla rolling his eyes here)!
We will always be surrounded by people who know not what they do or say, it is up to us to educate them.
To the woman on the other side of the interrogation, you have every right to say “none of your dam business”. Or if you want to be nicer and considerate of the person who themselves did not show you any consideration, here is a better response ” with all due respect, I prefer not to talk about it with you as it is a private matter”.
Smile and wave and move on-Let your inner Godzilla do the rest.
“I don’t understand how asking me if my husband and I have unprotected sex on a regular basis is polite conversation“
BabyAquarius – REDDIT
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