Mixed emotions- with a splash of hormonal ups and downs- Oh yes and It’s a New Year!
Happy New Year! It is going to be a year of many exciting wonderful things!
The 1st thing on the list is to escape this European winter and head down to South Africa for a bit of summer sun and some well needed R&R with your ever excited grandparents. It’s a 1st for them too just like it is for me!
The body is starting to feel different, I am noticing the changes even if they are as small as you. How does it feel in there? To be honest, I am overwhelmed with a flood of plans, rushing in and saturating my thoughts. Every minute I find myself planning our lives. A new year filled with many a new adventure and many firsts.
Everyone tends to tell you about the excitement of pregnancy, but very few tell you that fear takes a new shape. Fear of almost anything and everything, fear you never thought you were capable of.
I guess the mind changes along with the body changes too.
Today is the day I first experience that fear. Hospital emergency rooms are not where you want to find yourself at 4 months pregnant. You scared me out of the blue with this unexplained bleeding. – and for the 1st time in my life, I am deafened by the silence of fear.
A woman, a perfect stranger waiting next to me in the emergency room noticed my anxiety, and my spiralling journey down the rabbit hole of uncertainty. She quietly took my hand and ask me if she can pray for me and you. This kind stranger prayed for peace upon my thoughts and heart and prayed greatness upon your life. I was pulled back from that hole.
As I opened my eyes from this calming prayer, I was surrounded by a group of women (patients and nurses) including my mother. All of whom had gathered in prayer. I was surrounded and linked to all these women who understood my fear and asked me to be brave, no matter what.
Waiting for that sonogram to tell me that everything is alright seemed like an eternity. Knowing you are safe and strong is the only thing that is important to me and will remain important for the remainder of my life. It was at this point where I realized I will never be the same again. Having this fear is part and parcel of being a mother and so is facing that fear.
To the kind stranger- thank you for your prayers and blessings. You, yourself are blessed.
For now, I must rest and so must you.
Shine bright my light. Can’t wait to meet you!
Love you-Mom
“Being a mother is learning about the strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with the fears, you didn’t know existed.”
– Linda Wooten
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All things bright and beautiful 