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When 2 Becomes 1

The great realization that your thoughts are NOW focused on her

How did things literally change overnight? I had mastered the management of the young adult state of being: travel, career, marriage, all in a delicate balance that took years and many challenges to achieve. Then pregnancy happened and Covid happened and the world as we knew it changed overnight.

The journey of my pregnancy is another story to be told, it is tonight however that I want to marvel at the fact that my state of mind and perception of self instantaneously changed direction.

My thoughts that fuel my action and subsequently my reaction are no more monocotyledonous but by some divine mysticism, or evolutionary cell division my mind now dwells within a dicotyledonous realm. My sense of self is now a sense of her.

When did this happen?

I like to believe this dramatic change is linked to the birthing experience. Birthing labour and its pain is the process in which you undergo a shedding of the previous you to give space to the new, motherhood

Like the metamorphosis of a chrysalis. The pain experienced is the letting go of the person who was to become the person who is. As my child made her way into this world, she etched her existence into a space that for the past 35 years has been solely self-centred. She is now my centre.

I now have her self in my mind 24/7. Everything I think is for her and about her.

Not only does your body undergo this change but so does your mind. From girl to woman to mother! “Me time” is now “Us time” and it is wonderful. It’s still late night and all is quiet in the house. The baby continues to sleep, the dog, curled up right next to me, and hubby retired for the night.

I sit thinking how these late quiet hours are more than welcome, “me time”- I honestly can’t wait for the next bit of “us time”.